Welcome back, stranger

Been a long time since I made an entry. I see there are two comments on the last one but I suspect I don’t really want to check out their “cool” websites. Do I sound like a cynic? Perhaps it is the simple ambiguity of “I like your blog, here’s a cool website you might like” just a tad too pat. What is it you like about my blog? What makes this website cool and why, after reading these few entries I’ve made, do you think you know my tastes?
Anyway, I am going through a pretty tough time these days. I don’t know if it is depression lurking in the sub-conscious thought routines, sabotaging my actions and leaving huge blank spots in the memory banks or simply a matter of age and hormones taking their toll. I’m making really silly mistakes at work. No, really silly. And the problem is they all seem to be on various account entries which means the books don’t balance and it can all be traced back to me….Now if I was profiting by this, that would be one thing but these are plain old not-paying-attention-tax dumb ass errors.
Why does it bother me? because I don’t make those kind of mistakes. Not often, anyway. Is this maybe some kind of sophmore slump now that I’m in my second year of work here? Pretty silly.
And depression is a definite candidate. The black dog has been at my side for several months now and doesn’t seem inclined to bugger off, no matter what I do. It isn’t as bad as this spring when I did actually get the classic “suicidal thoughts”. That was new. In all the years I’ve been wrestling with this puppy, I was never able to check off that one on the home diagnosis kit list. The doctor goes through it too, didjaknow. She hasn’t asked me yet, probably is something she has to do on a yearly basis.
So, my problem could be a smoldering dysthymia, it fits the pattern.
In the meantime, it is a really frustrating experience and one I can’t seem to get a handle on. I’ve started initialling everything I enter in the computer. Today another ooops came up. No initials on it BUT the question arises: Did I forget to initial it?
I don’t even remember entering the document or seeing it but that don’t mean nuthin.
When the problem is remembering things, not remembering something is hardly proof of not having done it…
Time to go back to work. I don’t feel any better having bitched about it but maybe it’ll help when I look at it again in a few days.