Signs of getting old #7 – Some things take a little longer to change

It isn’t often the folks at the auto shop in Canadian Tire get such a positive reaction when they deliver the diagnosis of a rear wheel bearing needing replacement… They certainly don’t expect a thumbs up and big grin.  But that is because they don’t know what it’s like being sure about what is wrong with your vehicle when you walk into the shop only to be patted on the head and told to go do the dishes while the experts take a look.

Yes, even now, after all these years, the autoshop–even when there is a woman in overalls standing under the K-car up on the hoist–is the one place where the woman customer is still seen as a sheep ready for the shearing or, at best, a dolly who needs a real man to tell her not to worry her pretty little head about it.

I’ve been stuck in traffic when the clutch cable finally packed it in on the ’68 Volkswagen Van and remember exactly what it felt like changing gears for the week before that moment. Sitting in traffic, nose into the outside lane of the traffic circle on 107th avenue and 142 street in Edmonton at 4:45 pm is a great way to help a memory last a lifetime. I can still hear the horns and see the amazing variety of hand gestures…

Think having to get out of a car, walk around and prop up the hood is embarrassing? Yeah, well it has a certain comic counterpoint when you walk to the back of a van and pop up the little engine cover.  Imagine dwarf clowns in lederhosen pouring out of the side door and the classic “tink” sound when that hood pops…

No one was laughing at the lone teenage clown making the walk of shame across all the traffic to use a pay phone at the Stanley Hardware store to call for dad.  This was in the days when cell phones existed in the same category as communicators on Star Trek and personal jet packs. We had to walk 4 miles through snow drifts with nothing but twenty-five cents in our pockets for the pay phone.

That kind of experience tends to burn into your brain what a  clutch cable feels like when it’s wearing out and to have it tended to before the inevitable happens. But still, as I stood at the counter at the Volkswagen shop here, the guy with the black fingernails hid his smirk poorly and said they’d take a look. Probably just needed a tune-up and maybe adjusting the cable a bit…Come back at the end of the day, lady and it’ll be ready.

Before leaving work early, taking 2 buses and walking 1/2 mile to the shop, I called to see if it was ready but they hadn’t looked at it yet so maybe tomorrow. 2 days later it was ready and when I went in to pick it up asked what the problem was…”oh, we, ah, had to wait for the clutch cable to come in from Vancouver” So it was the clutch cable. shuffle, shuffle, ahm, yes.

The first vehicle I owned was a Ford Anglia. I learned a lot about vehicles from that little bit of automotive history. It was a basic 4 banger engine – when you lifted the hood you could see the engine, the air filter, the battery and the CARBURETOR….yes, I am old enough to remember when cars had rotors, carburetors and even, if I think back to dad’s Cortina, a manual choke. Wow, that hurt.

I learned how to tune and time an engine. What tie rods are and how to tell when the front end is just about kaput. Then I learned all about body work, bondo, fiberglass, rocker panels and how to use a grinding wheel. Prepping a car for painting, compressor set up, bunny suits, masks and the viscosity of auto paint.

A few years ago I inherited my dad’s Windstar van. This is not a vehicle for the home mechanic but some of the same basic principles apply. When the mechanic one year says to watch the bearings as there is some wear and when a mild rattle becomes a low grindiing noise a few years later, it doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to know that bearing is about to come home to crap all over your Christmas budget.

My one mistake was I thought it was the left front bearing. Nope, even driving around with the mechanic the noise wasn’t enough for her to hear it. So, pat on the head, book the van for it’s winter rotation, oil change etc.  And then, while spinning the left rear tire to check the brakes everyone in the shop could hear the tell tale crunching sound of the bearings giving way.

Thumbs up, big grin and happy dance as, once again, it’s silly housewife 1, mechanics zip in the “What’s wrong with the van, Stan” competition. Next week, kiddies, I’ll tell you the story of when all the offices were just like the one in Mad Men and the brave little clerk told the smug junior administrator to go make his own god-damned coffee…