Come in, child, and close the door. I’m just resting my old bones by the fire and keeping company with my old sheepdog, Shep. I know he died years ago and this is just a broom with a blanket but I’m old and foolish.
Okay, maybe I’m not that old… The other day I was listening to a 1940’s radio drama (Johnny Dollar or Pat Kelly’s Blues…can’t remember which) and a quavery voiced old lady was blathering on about a ne’er-do-well in the area. A cop asked her how old she was, just for the report, ma’am.
She was 57.
Hell’s bells, I’m 57 and pretty sure I don’t sound like Granny Clampet (obscure cultural reference, I’ll pause while you go look up “the 
Beverly Hillbillies” on the googles).
While I may not consider myself senior or silver or these to be my freakin golden years, on the other hand if there’s a seniors discount I qualify for sign me up. I can’t wait until I get my BC Ferries seniors card (okay, I can, but it is inevitable).
I’ve gotten over the shock of edging into this territory. It started with getting addressed admail for ‘life insurance without any medical exam’…you know, the one advertised on tv with the old fart on the phone, “It’s Tom, dear, he says I can get life insurance without seeing a doctor” And their rheumy eyes light up at the prospect of having some value now to their distant children and grandchildren. Unspoken is the ‘maybe they’ll come visit, if only to feed us arsenic laced pudding…’
Then there was the 1st memorial funeral planning admail. Not the flyers, mind you, I’m talking addressed ad-mail with my name on it a week after I turned 55. And don’t let me get started on Facebook target ads: I’ve had nightmares about some of the thumbnails that pop up in that column.
In London I almost always got to sit when riding the tube because young men, the kind I used to flirt with, were getting up and offering me their seat. No, sit back down, you presumptious little…ah, never mind, it’s a long ride….
Once the wheels start falling off the bus the perks are few and far between. The downside of being over 55 is all the really good discounts don’t start until you’re 60.
Now, sit down and make yourself comfortable. Do you want a candy? I have some Halls. Oh and here’s a couple of those lifesaver rolls decorations that fell off the Christmas tree. Just pull off the yarn and they’ll be fine.
Speak into the ear trumpet, child and mind you don’t step on the dog.
